Sep 13, 2012

Bite Me

Life lesson, I've-lost-count: Never abandon your post. The meaning behind that can be interpreted however one may desire. It all depends on ones inner values, and that varies in an amount too sublime it's unnerving. One may understand it as their family or work or home; or life itself, most grand. But I have a simple way of painting this picture out. Life has an amusing, and let me add, devious way of knocking you out of your senses when you least expect it. And when the weak succumb, it's lights out. But the few who hold their ground, shine.
My post, is myself. It's visibly in-complex. A little self-indulgent and narrow, but at the end of the day, I watch my own back. I return to myself for everything in life, because as much as trust gets thrown around, you're a fool to give into that whole heartedly. The life I have lived up until this point, I have to say was an immensity of trials and tribulations. But that knocked me around and shaped me up into who I am as a person now. And its safe to say i'm un-ashamed and not regretful.
Currently, situations have tested my waters way past it's limits, to degrees where I felt my legs buckling. Where with one final swift of a motion my legs would give out and I'm left on my knees...but I avoid getting myself to that final stage. Because with the wavering knees, I just stand up a little bit straighter and let my backbone take all the weight. I stand my ground and never lose touch of my morals, my desires, and my dignity. The strength I have for myself is something I surprise myself with everyday. And to show myself defeat and to cower (mind you is quite commendable on it's own) is one thing I won't do to myself, because to have pride in myself is not an egotistical stroke, but a drive. A force that can't be touched but watched.
In the sense of love, I put my love for another above myself...because why not? My confidence in myself is enough to let myself go. And to lose myself in the thick of it all, but to have a tight grasp of one self is what's keeping me afloat. Having perfected the balance of love is like my ability on a skateboard. Perfection is lacking, but I'm good. I'm still in need of practice and refinery, but I'm getting there. Love is a tricky business, but to love yourself first is the actual trick of the trade. Because if you don't love yourself then what's there to love?

My post is a shining beacon to myself that I'm where I have to be. One goes through a lot of darkness to get to that light and I'm beaming with that shine.

“I have nothing now but praise for my life...”
― Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are

Jul 18, 2012

love is patient

i paced around in my head asking myself what this word is truly asking from me, because in retrospect, patience never did run smooth in my bones. "The capacity to accept or tolerate..." i let the last word roll off my tongue and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. the act of toleration is a practice; and one which i was never good at. never did i excell in such things, because i'm quickly tempered, if tempered with in a degree past my limits.
but, he asked me to be more patient. and for the love of god, the will of ones self is stronger than i ever realized. the grant to change yourself for another is a far fetch cry, but the desire to change oneself for another is fluent. the complex is not to change yourself for someone elses peace of mind, but to change yourself for your own. i asked myself, what if it doesn't work out? but, what if it does? it's a gamble worth betting on, because ones merit is proved in ones action; and actions speak way louder than words. so talk to me in actions and i'll reply to you in the words of my power.

Jun 4, 2012

unfinished

she falls under, spell bound from the Sandmans' dusty breath.  and sinks into a steady slumber.  the inhales of reality leave a faint trace in her heart as she exhales in the Dreamworld.  and slowly she gets pulled beneath the pillows of absoluteness; and rises in a fantasy.  her breaths are as steady as her heart beats...

he watched her as her eyelids slowly grew heavy with dopiness.  until the windows to the recesses of her heart and soul shut like iron gates.  protected.  he studied the rise and fall of her chest consigning with the whispered breaths coming to and fro.  and it reminded him of waves; as it comes in to kiss the shoreline and pulls away, and back again.  her whispers, the salty sprays of the oceans sighs.

"my Love..." he whispers. and the love notes travel through the space between them . . . . .

Jan 18, 2012

so there you are, My Love

prior to the lovesick haze that clouds over my head everywhere i go now-a-days, i used to be a different person than who i see staring back at me through the mirror. the subject matter of the word love, was not in my vocabulary or was i ever planning on dabbling with the sentence structure of how to use it. i set a goal and i made an oath; a self declaration to my heart to never fall in love.
i chose to use the act of affection as a dangerous play thing. i dodged commitment front, left and center. and never took things beyond the borderline of friendship. some may call me a coward, but i saw myself as a wise coward. i wore my heart, where it belonged. behind the cages of my ribs, never on my sleeve. walls towered over me and i was guarded in a labyrinth too complicated to get through. but, i got through life quite sensibly.
until he showed up...
he showed me the epitome of love most chivalrously.
contradictions never tasted so sweet in my life.