my job, that I've been working on, on literally my hands and knees let me go after the hectic winter season . the Cinderella of the bunch, that, and I quote "has the most potential" was replaced by a a fire red headed Aussie accented bella. was she the devil in disguise? i swear she was..confused as i was, my coworkers were dumbfounded with the surprise sneak attack as well. they were ready to riot for me and even wrote down a list of people that had a better chance at getting the boot instead of me. and as a backhanded karma to my boss, the she-devil quit a week later. It's their loss really, on account that I was an asset in disguise, but he was too blind with money and success to realize what was in front of his nose. flip the bird and walk away..
a couple days later...my boyfriend of 4 years threw, more so, chucked the white flag at my face. I was smothered with emotions from guilt, devastation, anger, sadness; a kaleidoscope of feelings swirling around me spinning me outta control. Never have I felt a pain in my heart like that of a breakup. first love, first heartbreak...tragic huh? for a good couple days; days in which felt like centuries...I would be a sad little skitsophrenic girl. I'd go my day telling myself, everything is good, this is for the better, FREEDOM! then as easy as it was to say those words, a memory would sneak up from the back crevasses of my mind into the frontal lobe of my head and I'd send myself soaring into bed crying to the point where I'm hacking because breathing became a nature that was dismissed. being the person that I am, being heartless is too harsh of an interpretation, but on rarity do I cry. so for the few days, i cried and cried and cried for my entire lifetime past. until, i literally ran myself dry. and then i sat with myself...slapped myself across the face a couple times and told myself to snap out of it. i dug a hole for myself to lie in, and what better way to prove myself wrong than to throw dirt back into that hole and start fresh.
a couple days after that...my mom bombarded me with the news that having a chance of growing up as a family, whole, was a far fetch cry. the beans were spilt that a divorce was in the works. This didn't come to a surprise to me at all, truth be told. My family wasn't exactly the textbook Brady Bunch type...with the white picket fence, turkey roasting in the oven ready for dinner and everyone at the table by 6 with fake plastered smiles. when my mom pulled me aside this one day and told me of their desicion, more so hers, she cried tears of redemption. I had no say...i was speechless, not because of a state of shock, but i really had nothing to say...i sounded like a broken record, repeating, "things are gonna be alright." but the convincing resonation lacked and i was moreso talking to myself at that point. so I sat there rubbing her back and cooing her to sleep. I didn't cry..I still haven't.
so you see, the sequence of these unfortunate events took me to a dark place in my life. and I stood there pondering, whether to walk deeper into the abyss or to turn the other way. back into the light and face my demons head on. and being me, I walked a couple steps forward into the dark to feel for the pain, the sorrow and malice....and once I felt it for that split second, I turned around towards the light. I needed to change these harsher days, so I turned each downfall upside down. and i needed to change myself, so I checked myself into "rehab," going under construction to better myself altogether. The strength I have for myself, to still be standing firmly on the ground after all this, is something I admire about myself immensely. my grandparents, to my aunts and uncles have always said I was the tough one of the family. and living up to that title all these years have shaped my backbone and my heart.
the damage is a done deed, but to let it seep into your soul and rot is a mistake alot of people fall under. you just gotta shake it off, wipe that dirt off your shoulder and stand stronger, and straighter than before. and keep an outlook of positivity running at all costs. To walk on the dark side, is of the normality, just don't dwell. walk out of it with a perception of change and positivity. I see these events as acts of Gods plan for me...he won't put me through anything I cannot handle and so my faith lies in his hands. Better days will come of this, and so at the end of the day, it's just me and my patience again. And I'm happy to say that I'm getting better at it.
a couple days after that...my mom bombarded me with the news that having a chance of growing up as a family, whole, was a far fetch cry. the beans were spilt that a divorce was in the works. This didn't come to a surprise to me at all, truth be told. My family wasn't exactly the textbook Brady Bunch type...with the white picket fence, turkey roasting in the oven ready for dinner and everyone at the table by 6 with fake plastered smiles. when my mom pulled me aside this one day and told me of their desicion, more so hers, she cried tears of redemption. I had no say...i was speechless, not because of a state of shock, but i really had nothing to say...i sounded like a broken record, repeating, "things are gonna be alright." but the convincing resonation lacked and i was moreso talking to myself at that point. so I sat there rubbing her back and cooing her to sleep. I didn't cry..I still haven't.
so you see, the sequence of these unfortunate events took me to a dark place in my life. and I stood there pondering, whether to walk deeper into the abyss or to turn the other way. back into the light and face my demons head on. and being me, I walked a couple steps forward into the dark to feel for the pain, the sorrow and malice....and once I felt it for that split second, I turned around towards the light. I needed to change these harsher days, so I turned each downfall upside down. and i needed to change myself, so I checked myself into "rehab," going under construction to better myself altogether. The strength I have for myself, to still be standing firmly on the ground after all this, is something I admire about myself immensely. my grandparents, to my aunts and uncles have always said I was the tough one of the family. and living up to that title all these years have shaped my backbone and my heart.
the damage is a done deed, but to let it seep into your soul and rot is a mistake alot of people fall under. you just gotta shake it off, wipe that dirt off your shoulder and stand stronger, and straighter than before. and keep an outlook of positivity running at all costs. To walk on the dark side, is of the normality, just don't dwell. walk out of it with a perception of change and positivity. I see these events as acts of Gods plan for me...he won't put me through anything I cannot handle and so my faith lies in his hands. Better days will come of this, and so at the end of the day, it's just me and my patience again. And I'm happy to say that I'm getting better at it.
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